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Good Things in Efficient Packages

Dearly departed Mike Thelin knocks it out of the park with his inaugural contribution to a Things I Hate (how quickly they learn...) series, a dedicated takedown of the raw sugar cube. It's a surprisingly critical approach for this usually pal-tastic writer, but the total LOLZing is to be expected: "Though most of you wouldn't expect a 240 pound former offensive tackle who can bench his weight to have strong opinions on sugar cubes, you would be wrong. I've always had a fascination with small efficient objects, and this explains my preference of cars, houses, espresso cups, spouses, and uniformly symmetrical and warm-liquid soluble white sugar cubes." Let's GRE this one: x is to cups as sugar is to wife? [Portland Plated]