Ever pictured Gabriel Rucker sexily stirring polenta? What about Kurt Huffman holding a boudin blanc, or Cathy Whims wandering the night wearing lacy gloves of pepperoni with black-olive buttons? If so, there's something wrong with you, but fortunately, you're not alone... apparently.
A person or group of people is tweeting erotica featuring Portland's best-known food personalities, from reputed chefs and restaurateurs to PR reps, using the @FoodLiterature handle.
Is it literature?
Walking away from The Fireside, Chef Jason Blair glanced back at Joey, licked his lips, and winked, "I'll come back for one last taste."— Food Literature (@FoodLiterature) August 21, 2015
Micah Camden slid his finger around the inside edge of the donut, the glaze dripping, his brow dotted with beads of sweat. His smile, moist.— Food Literature (@FoodLiterature) August 12, 2015
The sweet/salty touch of the bacon-wrapped date stuffed with foie gras ravished my taste buds. "That's umami," Gorham whispered, lips wet.— Food Literature (@FoodLiterature) May 14, 2015
"Roll the dough under your hand," Ken breathed, his fingers lacing through mine, pressing our palms into the pale, nubile dough.— Food Literature (@FoodLiterature) May 15, 2015
Laura put a finger to her lips and smeared the hollandaise across them. She kissed his cheek and left her mark. "We can't do this anymore."— Food Literature (@FoodLiterature) May 16, 2015
Woodward took the new cook by the hand and walked to the garden. He got down on all fours. "Crawl through the greens with me," he smiled.— Food Literature (@FoodLiterature) May 20, 2015
Haven't had enough? There's plenty more at @FoodLiterature, with the most recent post dated yesterday. Featuring a profile photo of sausages and a Twitter banner of smoked mussels, @FoodLiterature is currently anonymous. Eater has reached out to @FoodLiterature, but the Twitter feed has not responded. It hasn't featured Eater in any of its tweets either, but we're not taking it personally.