Anonymous Portland Food Erotica Tweeter Gives Exclusive Interview

Ever since May, the lusty Tweeter has been writing food-focused erotica starring many of Portland's best-known chefs and food personalities, and now, the Twitter author breaks the silence. Find out why natto is the sexiest food on earth and which chefs visiting for Feast will appear drizzled with curry and honey on Twitter over the weekend.

Why anonymous?

Not everybody reacts positively to this kind of humor. I don't know why, but some people are jerks. Just because I want to have Joanna Ware's strong, beautiful hands feeding me dripping slices of hanger steak while she runs her fingers through my hair… all of a sudden people want to connect that with my work. All of a sudden Ware won't hire me or she'll be too eager about hiring me. People place too much importance on what professionals in their industry do outside of their work environment.

Why'd you begin a Twitter feed dedicated to Portland food erotica in the first place?

The food industry is saturated with over-sexualization, but everybody seems to shy away from the line between sexualization and erotica. I wanted to take it a step further, which I didn't see many people doing, and just embrace the beauty of the personalities involved in food and the sensual nature of a lot of the ingredients these chefs utilize.

Is it all for fun, or do you really find food and chefs sexy?

Of course I find food and chefs sexy. When you watch somebody work, you see the nuances over the whole package. You look at the curve of the achilles tendon pulling against taut flesh, you notice the bulging muscle that develops on a cook's forearm from sautéing, you find yourself pining over the veins on the back of Trent Pierce's hands when he's shucking an oyster. Everybody wants to lick whipped cream out of another person's navel. I want more. I want a summer sausage in my Christmas stocking.

Everybody wants to lick whipped cream out of another person's navel. I want more. I want a summer sausage in my Christmas stocking.

I know you're excited to feature some of the out of town chefs attending Feast. Any hints as to what we can expect?

Aaron Franklin and Andrew Gregory together? Yes, please! The lineup for Girls! Girls! Girls! That's more than I can handle! Paul Qui and Andy Ricker? Noodles! I want them all in a hotel suite for just one night. I've got a photoshoot I keep having cold sweats about.

What's the sexiest food on earth?

Natto being passed from one hand to the other.

Who is the sexiest chef in Portland?

There's so many to choose from and I wouldn't want to narrow it down because there are different things I find sexy in a person. Also, don't forget the food personalities who aren't chefs! I enjoy the nuances in each person's sexuality. That's why Food Literature exists.

You put some great chefs into some pretty specific erotic situations. How connected are the chefs and the situations?

Could another chef drizzle molten chocolate over his or her naked, pale thighs just as well as David Briggs? Nobody can drizzle molten chocolate over their naked, pale thighs as well as David Briggs can. Nobody else has that aplomb. Every tweet is intended to exemplify the things that I find most pertinent about a specific food personality's sex appeal.

Is there specific culinary-related erotica that inspired you?

The Willamette Week's food writing, most specifically the article Martin Cizmar wrote about Holdfast. I don't think I've read anything else that so strongly implies an erotic fixation on a chef (or in this case two chefs). I read that article slowly in a whisper and it was a real epiphany. I really felt like he wanted more than just a meal from Will and Joel. That made me realize that I wanted more than just a meal from those two. Jason French often refers to his cooks as "hard-hitting dudes."

Alright, we know you're not going to tell us who you are, but at the very least, everyone wants to know: Are you male or female?

I get this question a lot and I don't understand why. Food Literature intentionally has no bias towards any gender. Male, female, both, neither. Who cares? My gender has absolutely nothing to do with my ability to write, make jokes, or have a sexual preference.

Do you have anything else you'd like to add?

If you have an over-ripe pear within reach, grab it and squeeze it. Feel the juices drip through your fingers, onto your wrists and forearms. If you like it, embrace that feeling. I wonder whose arms are wrapped around Andy Ricker's strong chest when he's watching the roses bloom in New York, daydreaming about coming home again.