Thieves Snatch Swift & Union's Beloved 'Steak' and 'Whiskey'

Welcome back to Shit People Steal, in which we ask chefs and restaurateurs what items in their restaurant have been (or are frequently) stolen.

Some things are just plain wrong, but steak and whiskey are not them. What's wrong is stealing steak and whiskey-themed salt and pepper shakers from the family-friendly Swift & Union on N Denver Avenue. The restaurant has been open just over two months, and public outcry on Facebook has been swift.

"Awww, save Steak & Whiskey!!!!" said one commenter, with another adding, "This is why we can't have nice things."

The thievery has even sparked deeper, darker fears among the community. "People have once again dashed hopes for humanity," wrote one Portlander, with another commenter going so far as to say, "There exists a horrible place in Hell for those that steal a small business owner's precious keepsakes."

Swift & Union owners Ken "Zig" Naffziger and Kristen Siefkin have not released images of the missing Steak and Whiskey, but they did furnish this plea for justice:

A set of our adorable bull salt & pepper shakers have gone missing! We realize that "Steak" & "Whiskey" are irresistible, but we miss them and would love to have them home. No questions asked! They can return as stealthily as they left. And if it's the meat hooks that scared them off, then, well, we understand.

Anyone with information regarding the case can contact the restaurant by email or phone, or they can just return Steak and Whiskey to the restaurant and back away slowly.