Star Bartender Jeffrey Morgenthaler Is Over Basically Everything That Happens at his Bar

Nationally celebrated bartender Jeffrey Morgenthaler has questions: Why is anyone serving a big rock of ice in a stemmed glass? Who thinks it’s okay to sit in someone else’s seat while they’re in the bathroom? Why on earth would anyone order “charcuterie” with a fake French accent?

While Pok Pok owner Andy Ricker is still tweeting expletives at “politicians,” Morgenthaler is using his twitter the way ‘80s comics used a microphone and brick wall: as a place to say “What is your deal?” in a variety of ways. He’s become the Larry David of Portland’s cocktail scene, shaking a fist at bartending choices and bar patrons with delightfully sarcastic rancor. Below, find a list of things the Clyde Common bar manager is over, with a few suggestions of what their deal may be.

Weirdos who lurk with their backs to the bar

What’s their deal: At best, social anxiety; at worst, weird predatory behavior

Rich white ladies who want to split the check during happy hour

What’s their deal: Bourgeois illusions of wealth hiding a need for thriftiness; possibly greed or obliviousness

Americans who mock French accents when ordering charcuterie

What’s their deal: A discomfort with foods associated with a higher class, inciting a need to mask feelings of insecurity with humor; they like being a big ol’ goof

Bartenders who make weird ice choices

What’s their deal: Big ice is fancy, right?

Bartenders who slap a piece of mint over the back of their hand before sticking it in a drink

What’s their deal: They want to extract the oils from the mint — cannot confirm whether this actually works

People who order drinks with edits before they taste Morgenthaler’s version of said drink

What’s their deal: Self-aggrandizement

And finally, people who think it’s okay to sit in someone else’s seat while that someone is in the bathroom

What’s their deal: No idea; that’s just rude

• Jeffrey Morgenthaler [Twitter]
• All previous Clyde Common coverage [EPDX]