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Nationally celebrated bartender Jeffrey Morgenthaler has questions: Why is anyone serving a big rock of ice in a stemmed glass? Who thinks it’s okay to sit in someone else’s seat while they’re in the bathroom? Why on earth would anyone order “charcuterie” with a fake French accent?
While Pok Pok owner Andy Ricker is still tweeting expletives at “politicians,” Morgenthaler is using his twitter the way ‘80s comics used a microphone and brick wall: as a place to say “What is your deal?” in a variety of ways. He’s become the Larry David of Portland’s cocktail scene, shaking a fist at bartending choices and bar patrons with delightfully sarcastic rancor. Below, find a list of things the Clyde Common bar manager is over, with a few suggestions of what their deal may be.
Guys who sit with their back to the bar and stare at the crowd: what’s your deal?
— Jeffrey Morgenthaler (@jeffmorgen) December 4, 2018
Weirdos who lurk with their backs to the bar
What’s their deal: At best, social anxiety; at worst, weird predatory behavior
Rich white ladies who would rather split the check than buy your friend a glass of happy hour white wine: What's your deal?
— Jeffrey Morgenthaler (@jeffmorgen) December 11, 2018
Rich white ladies who want to split the check during happy hour
What’s their deal: Bourgeois illusions of wealth hiding a need for thriftiness; possibly greed or obliviousness
Americans who order the “charcuterie” with a comically-fake French accent: What’s your deal?
— Jeffrey Morgenthaler (@jeffmorgen) December 12, 2018
Americans who mock French accents when ordering charcuterie
What’s their deal: A discomfort with foods associated with a higher class, inciting a need to mask feelings of insecurity with humor; they like being a big ol’ goof
Bartenders that serve drinks over one large ice cube in a stemmed glass: What's your deal?
— Jeffrey Morgenthaler (@jeffmorgen) December 13, 2018
Bartenders who make weird ice choices
What’s their deal: Big ice is fancy, right?
Bartenders who slap the mint sprig on the back of their hand before garnishing the drink with it: What’s up with that?
— Jeffrey Morgenthaler (@jeffmorgen) December 14, 2018
Bartenders who slap a piece of mint over the back of their hand before sticking it in a drink
What’s their deal: They want to extract the oils from the mint — cannot confirm whether this actually works
People who make changes to a recipe before trying it, and then get upset when it doesn’t turn out well: What’s your story? Why are you the way you are?
— Jeffrey Morgenthaler (@jeffmorgen) December 13, 2018
People who order drinks with edits before they taste Morgenthaler’s version of said drink
What’s their deal: Self-aggrandizement
Guests who think it’s okay to sit in a stranger’s seat while they’re in the restroom: In what other ways would you say being homeschooled stunted your social skills?
— Jeffrey Morgenthaler (@jeffmorgen) December 14, 2018
And finally, people who think it’s okay to sit in someone else’s seat while that someone is in the bathroom
What’s their deal: No idea; that’s just rude
• Jeffrey Morgenthaler [Twitter]
• All previous Clyde Common coverage [EPDX]
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