The Dish: Apocalypse NowOne of the first carts to open at Cartlandia offers huge burgers and sandwiches, but what takes the cake in ridiculous meat burgers is the Apocalypse Now combo. Ready? Here goes: eight steak burger patties, ham, chicken, roast beef, bacon, turkey, sausage, Oktoberfest sausage, hot dogs, salami, pepperoni, hash browns, fried eggs, cheese, and the works. It’s more than ten pounds of meat for $75.

The Dish: PorterhouseAt this iconic PDX steakhouse all the delectable slabs of meat are aged a minimum of four weeks. The Porterhouse for two comes with a New York cut and the filet (what they call the “best of both worlds”), which brings you 24 ounces of meaty goodness to share — or not? And all that comes drenched in beef juice-infused butter glaze.

The Dish: ChateaubriandAlso known as a 20-ounce steak for two for $125 buckaroos: It’s center cut tenderloin, it’s 28-day dry-aged Niman Ranch all natural angus beef, and it’s seared to a perfect medium rare over a charcoal grill. And it’s carved motherfucking table side. (And for the love of Game of Thrones, order that "Flaming Sword Brochette of Tenderloin" too.)

The Dish: The PitbozzWant a pile of barbecue to stuff in your face? You could order a whole rack of ribs, but in the interest of meat variety, "The Pitboss" at Podnah’s has a little bit of everything. That means a quarter pound of brisket, a quarter pound of pulled pork, two pork ribs, a sausage link, cornbread, and choice of two sides — and lots and lots of napkins.

The Dish: Pork HammerWell, now we know where Thor will eat when he comes to Portland to save us from the next end-of-the- world-naked-bike-ride. Compared to other items on this list, the Pork Hammer seems like less of a protein bomb, but consider: It comes in at nearly a pound, with a quarter pound each of ham, bacon, and sausage, then topped with french fries and coleslaw. And if you're feeling really strong, order a side of bacon cheese fries too. I doust now dub this the "Asgardian Challenge."

The Dish: Bistecca alla FiorentinaNeed some meat to go with your pizza? Nostrana serves a traditional Tuscan steak — the bistecca alla Fiorentina — keeping true to the tradition of it weighing about one kilogram (or 2.2 pounds, equalling about 77 ounces).

The Dish: Dinner.There are six steps to dining at this Brazilian steakhouse. Step two includes a trip to the “salad bar,” with more than 30 options including imported cheeses, cured meats, and Brazilian side dishes. Then you give the green light — by literally turning over a green card — and that signals “protein time.” You’ll be offered 16 cuts of meat to choose from including steaks, pretty much any way, but think filet mignon and rib eye, along with rack of lamb and pork options.

The Dish: Steak challenge!This old country kitchen wants to see you work hard for your free steak. Try to fathom eating all of this in under one hour: two celery sticks, two carrot sticks, two olives, two dill pickles, one regular salad, ten french fries or baked potato, oh, and 72 ounces of medium rare beef. As of now, eight lucky ladies and 571 gents have taken it on and massacred that beast, but around 1,300 eager challengers have failed — it’s probably those olives that really did them in.